Why Most Girls Won’t Text You Back (And What to Do About It)
Why flakiness is common in texting and how to handle it
Does this situation feel familiar to you — you’re at a nightclub and you hit it off with a girl you just met.
The chemistry is starting to build, and you end up making out. In the heat of the moment you’re thinking about where the night could possibly take you two, but all of a sudden her friend grabs her, and all you’re left with is a flaky number that you’ve fumbled out of her.
The next morning you text her to say hi, or you tease her about the night from before. The conversation is going alright, but eventually as the week progresses, it dies down.
She takes longer to reply.
Her messages are shorter.
You propose the idea of meeting up.
Radio silence.
Eventually you follow up a few days later. Maybe she was busy? Sometimes this is the case, but let’s be honest, it’s not.
In reality, it was you who was the problem.
Accept that you’re the problem.
I get it. Waiting for a girl to message you back can be so frustrating, only for the whole thing to collapse and for her to completely lose interest.
Texting women can feel like walking on a tightrope, where one wrong step ruins the whole thing, and you’re back to square one. This is especially painful when you rarely acquire numbers from girls in social settings.
Let me tell you something kid, getting a girls number out in public is only part of the battle, and most of the times when you actually DO get her number, chances are you’ve already set yourself up for failure.
Don’t worry though, if you keep reading, I’m going to give you some advice which will absolutely transform your life. But first, we need to discuss
How texting works in today’s world
If there’s one thing I’ve learned recently, it’s that the dating scene is an incredibly competitive market for men. The girl you want — 20 other guys also want, and when it comes to texting, it’s all about standing out from the crowd.
What a lot of men don’t realise is that when they text a girl, she’s asking herself the following questions:
- How does this guy make me feel?
- Is this conversation exciting or boring?
- Is he socially aware, or am I just being interviewed?
Texting isn’t about information, but rather about emotion. It’s about being playful and enjoying the conversation!
Girls want you to tease them, they want you to show them that you’re the boss, and that you’re a high-value man taking control of the situation. Girls don’t want to be the fun in your life, they want to join in on the fun in your life!
But when you text that girl and don’t get a reply — there could be a million things going on in her life.
- She could be going through a breakup,
- Her cat might have died,
- Or maybe she just had a bad day at work.
The point is, her lack of response isn’t necessarily a reflection of your worth. Life happens. People get busy or overwhelmed, and texting back isn’t always a priority. The key is not to take it personally.
Instead of getting caught up in self-doubt, focus on what you can control — the way you show up in conversations, the energy you bring, and your ability to create engaging interactions that make her want to respond.
How to text girls properly
Like I said at the beginning of the article — being ghosted or left on read fucking stings man…
To this day I still feel the pain of seeing that read receipt after sending her a text 7 hours ago.
When it comes to texting, a lot of guys forget that you can’t just turn a girl on at the click of a finger. Girls need to be cranked up slowly like a temperature gauge.
In texting terms, this means that you need to match her energy to begin with. Take some time to reply to her messages — turning notifications off and having a busy schedule certainly helps with this!
As someone who works a full-time role, I limit my texting to my lunch break and in the evenings when I get home. This way I make it clear that my attention is valuable, and that I’m actually doing something with my life, and the girls I’m texting can sense the authenticity in this.
Next, match her vibe. A lot of guys disagree with this one, but think about it logically— no girl is going to want to hang around with a guy who comes across as needy (see the image below).
At the same time, you’ll leave her thinking you’re uninterested if you respond with one-word answers, so balance really is the key here!
Think of texting like a game of ping-pong. If you hit the ball lightly across the table, it makes it easier for her to hit. If she hits it back (i.e. she replies), then you can keep the conversation going back and forth.
Hit the ball to hard though, and it makes it really hard for her to respond, which in turn kills the conversation you two were just having.
Texting is a stepping stone
Another thing a lot of guys forget is that texting should be used as a tool with an end goal of actually seeing the girl in real life.
The reason why so many guys end up in the friend zone is because they spend so much time focusing on getting to know the girl through text that they forget to actually ask them out, and in turn end up shooting themselves in the foot.
At the same time, you can’t just dive straight into the deep end with the “hey what do you say we grab drinks on thursday?” — again, girls like to be cranked up like a temperature gauge.
Instead, use hooks. Think of texting that girl you just met as fishing. You’re going to have a lot more success when you text something like
“I’m still laughing at your dance moves from last night! I’m definitely stealing them…”
As opposed to
“Hey how was your day”
It may look corny on the surface level, but like I mentioned earlier, she probably has 10, 20, 50 other guys on dating apps, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. texting her the latter every single week, so it’s important to stand out and come across with a fun and flirty vibe.
Don’t lose hope
It can be easy to feel discouraged to see that read receipt over and over again. I get it — I’ve been there and done that… in fact, I still do face it from time to time, but I can assure you that the more you stick at it, the more your texting game will improve, and the more girls you will get to reply to you.
And then it becomes a game of “which one am I the most interested in?”
With every message you send that gets ignored, instead of whining about it like a little b*tch, take some time to actually be reflective. Think to yourself, “how does my message come across?” And if you’re really stuck, remember that we live in the world of AI, and ChatGPT is great for acting as a personal dating coach.
One thing I like to do after being rejected is pasting part of the conversation into ChatGPT and asking it where I went wrong, and how I could have handled the situation better. More times than not it gives me a very clear explanation of why my last message would have turned her off, and if you’re really desperate, you can even ask it for advice on how to turn the conversation around.
People might see this as inauthentic, but I simply see it as making the most of the tools at our disposal. Learning and being reflective is key to improving not just your dating life, but all aspects of it.
Before I go, here’s a little bit about me
Back in university, I was always the “player” type, trying to get off with as many girls as I could.
Post-university I found it difficult to meet new people, and as I learned to get good at socialising, I became fascinated with helping guys navigate the modern dating world — not as a gimmick, but as a way to build meaningful connections and confidence.
My mission is to help the virgins reach their desire, the socially awkward find their rhythm, and the hopeless romantics finally discover love!
If you enjoyed this article and want more practical dating advice, follow my page for future posts!
Struggling with your dating life? 🤔 Let’s chat — I offer one-on-one coaching sessions to help you level up your social and dating game.
Book a free call here now!
Kia Kaha,
Joshua
